BLK XXX
W Drive XX
#XX-XX
Singapore XXXXXX
4th February 2010
The Executive Director
BIOPROCESSING TECHNOLOGY INSTITUTE
20 Biopolis Way
#06-01 Centros
Singapore 138668
Dear Executive Director,
I am a final year student at National University of Singapore (NUS), working towards my bachelor’s degree in Life Sciences. I am seeking an internship for 2011, and while researching opportunities in the field of biomedical sciences and biotechnology, I found that your organization offers the Bioprocess Internship Programme. I would like to apply for this programme for the July-Dec 2011 period.
I am passionate about research dedicated to the betterment of society and I believe that this will enable me to not only benefit from the knowledge imparted during the internship but to also contribute back to society via the post-internship phase.
My leadership background has equipped me with various skills that will enable me to contribute to the scientific community through A*star BTI. The different leadership positions I have assumed over my academic years have enabled me to be a good team-player as well as forward-looking. As the internship requires significant interaction between various groups of people, I believe that these qualities will aid me in working effectively with fellow interns and experts and accomplishing a given task.
My research experience, on the other hand, has enabled me to be more meticulous and organized. These qualities were instilled in me during the process of mastering the various techniques over the course of various laboratory practicals. I believe that they will enhance the quality of work that I will produce.
I believe that my goals are in line with the organisation’s mission and as such, I would be a valuable asset to this internship program. This program would also provide me with the necessary experience and opportunities required in the work field of my interest.
I would greatly appreciate it if you could offer an interview slot where I could further explain my suitability for this internship offer. I have also enclosed my resume for you reference. In the meantime, please feel free to contact me at + 65 9145 1205 or email me at mufeedha@gmail.com.
Thank you very much for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours Sincerely,
Mufeedha Begum
Internship Details: http://www.bti.a-star.edu.sg/BIP2010.pdf
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Hi Mufeedha,
ReplyDeleteI think this is a well written application letter! Allow me to offer some suggestions that I think can enhance your existing letter.
1. You mentioned in paragraph 3 about your leadership background. However, I think it would be good to give specific instance (E.g. I was the treasurer for NUS Student Union and I ...) as evidence to support your claim.
2. Since your are applying for a researcher position, I think it would be great if you can describe more about your research experience in paragraph 4.
3. Would be great if you can find out the name of the executive director and to reinstate your contact details again after you've signed off!
Overall, I think your application letter is persuasive and showcase your traits =)
Dear Mufeedha,
ReplyDeleteHey I think it’s a pretty well-written application letter. It’s of appropriate length and is comfortable to read. However, I feel a though it is a little lacking in details. For instance I think you can elaborate on exactly which leadership positions you took on and perhaps the soft skills that can be transferred.
I also feel that perhaps you should show a stronger interest in research. The paragraph on your research interest seems a tad bit skimpy. Perhaps, you can add in details on what modules you have taken and what laboratory skills can be useful.
In the 2nd last paragraph I also feel that maybe you should rephrase the sentence ‘This program would also provide me with the necessary experience and opportunities required in the work field of my interest.’ It seems to insinuate that you are trying to gain more out of the internship that contribute to them. Maybe you should instead express your interest in having a career in A*STAR and how this internship is a first step towards that goal.
Other than this it is a very organized and well-written letter.
That’s all:D
Xoxo jigna
Dear Mufeedha,
ReplyDeleteYou have a thoughtful application letter there, and I can see that you have made good effort in emphasising some of your qualities.
Areas which you may like to consider working on:
1. Good to go straight to the point and talk about applying for the internship in para. 1. After you have done that, and your audience know what your letter is about, then you can continue to share your qualification/qualities that stand you out from other candidates.
2. Be positive. Is there a better way to state the following: "and while researching opportunities in the field of biomedical sciences and biotechnology, I found that your organization…”?
3. Work on clarity and completeness. Did you express your ideas clearly? Did you use a relational pattern? Did you tell the reader all that s/he needs to know? Good to be concrete here.
4. Your classmates have shared very valid points. Particularly what you can do for the company rather than what they can do for you. Since the application mentioned a 'post-internship', it will be good to show them your motivation to work towards that.
5. Be proactive. Get back to them. Don't wait for them to make the next move =)
Ms. Lim
Hi Mufeedha,
ReplyDeleteI honestly think your application letter is quite impressive. It really shows how you have the experience and knowledge to work in this field.
There are a few points I would like to highlight to help you sell yourself even better.
Firstly, in the first paragraph you use the sentence " I am seeking an internship for 2011, and while researching opportunities in the field of biomedical sciences and biotechnology, I found that your organization offers the Bioprocess Internship Programme." Perhaps you could just state that you would like to apply for the Bioprocess Internship Programme from July to December 2011 straight after introducing yourself. I find the long sentence acts somewhat like a buffer, delaying the showcasing of your credentials to come.
Secondly, while you do state a lot of very relevant credentials, I feel that you could elaborate on them in more detail. Perhaps you could tell them how successful one of your projects or research programmes was in order to add a bit more 'wow' to your application letter.
All in all, your application letter is very well written. Every paragraph simply keeps bringing up more reasons why you are the person for the job.